Another site dealing with West Filipina marriage is run
by Bob Lingerfelt at
His stated intent is:
"We don't try to make marriages
to Filipinas, we try to make marriage to Filipinas better!"
Well worth a visit and has a different slant to mine. For
instance he asks:-
"So You Want to Marry a Filipina?
" and "So you STILL want
to marry a Filipina... "
He discusses the controversial issue of "
Fact & Fiction about Mail Order Brides "
- What is written below is not meant to be unduly provocative;
but it could be named a little idiosyncratic.
- A Filipina is a female from the Republic of the Philippines
Most of the assertions and opinions are often based on fairly
limited, first-hand experience (See My
First Venture..). Most of the material is my opinionated re-hash
of listings to the late, excellent, free, Fil/Western, listserv,
support group, Jeff Hollis's Mahalkita, and the more
racy, extant, offshoot, Ray Bacon's Mag-Anak. Some was
picked up from another great list, Asialink ($US10 per
This is an on-going project as much to amuse me as to inform
others. The diaries covering my first trip to find my dream-woman
and subsequent, disappointing developments will be appearing too.
So, too, will the diary of my recent (July, 1999) trip with, so
far, a promising outcome.
Any comments or suggestions can be sent to:-
The link for Mag-Anak is :-
- Mag-Anak http://www.mag-anak.org/
- Participation in this listserv is by subscription (free)
for those who have Fil/Western sympathy.
- Flamers will be warned then unsubscribed. There are open
lists available where subscribers can - and do! - slang off at
anything and everyone. Search the news groups.
- Send your request to the Chief Moderator:-
AND MAIMED MEN
Back to top
- Although for centuries humans may have taken a sole marriage
and fidelity, however difficult, as a natural goal; it is probable
that the laws, rituals and morality to secure this connubiality
were more a function of economics than genetics.
- While it is true that in places, at times, a man or woman
has taken more than one spouse; it is usually for some socio-economic
reason not associated with the desirability for common folk to
have multiple spouses. In Islam, for example, it is more a system
of welfare. It is a man's responsibility to take on as many unattached
females as he can afford so that they may have the comfort and
support of family. The Holy Prophet, Mohammed, set the example
himself. The Salt Lake City Mormons no longer advocate the practice.
Presumably, in early Utah days, there was a pressing need to
populate or perish. When a woman customarily takes two husbands
- often brothers - there is land shortage and this way parcels
of land are kept intact.
- In the West it is increasingly difficult to make a lasting
marriage. With divorce reaching over 50% in places there are
many people scarred and bruised by the experience. Perhaps serial
marriages is the way of the future as some suggest. Even our
present androgynous ladies will keep to one man while their heat
is turned up. Often now, as in Sweden and elsewhere, couples
break up peacefully and stay on good terms with their ex-spouse
and even socialise with them.
~~~~~~~~~CURRENT EXAMPLES -(That
- [a] A short while ago a 22 yr. old Australian man said his
serious girlfriend was at the local university. He saw nothing
wrong with her sleeping with other men as long as she told him
first and he reserved the same right for himself. "No! It
is not two-timing: it's natural." But he would break with
her if she did it behind his back. This seemed perfectly normal
to him so one assumes a pattern or at least a trend.
- b] A 22 yr. Australian, attractive university undergraduate
complained that the men soon became possessive when they paired
sexually. "Why do they all want to tie me down and talk
about 'going steady?'" One of her ex-partners said she took
him to meet her folks then dropped him - he was upset. This young
woman was already divorced and her ex-husband socialised with
her nearly every day.
- [c] A middle aged, professional, American divorced female
was surprised and confused why some men would prefer to marry
a virgin and could only assume that the man was ashamed to have
his performance compared; or he wanted to mould and dominate
- But there are many men who still find this "loose"
pairing to be at least hurtful and at most, immoral. And there
are probably a few women who feel the same.
- During this sexual revolution it is the women who more often
seem to be moving on and the men who are left desolate and depressed.
It is possible that women can break up more easily because now
they can be financially independent and are liberated from the
torment of possible pregnancy using easily available contraception.
Men possibly suffer from a lack of someone to dominate. It is
not unusual for the man to stalk his Ex and even take a gun and
shoot her, his children and himself. Perhaps it is a greater
let down for the male ego. Maybe he feels that he has not been
allowed to do his duty of protecting and caring for his woman
and their children. It is also probably the case that women have
a greater choice of partners. There is always a man ready to
start a pairing sexually and it is the woman who chooses isn't
it? The law is on the woman's side. Not many women are prosecuted
for pressing their breasts against a man; but let an undesired
man court her by putting his hand on a woman's bum and the bum
might end up in court on a sexual assault charge.
- Since feminism snared the legislators, women can become pregnant
after buying donated sperm. Without a supporting partner they
can live, subsidised by the taxpayers, to bring up the child.
If not directly on welfare; then using state facilities created
by feminist pressure to enable employment or support. Child care
centres would be such a subsidy in some countries. Some states
allow special leave rights for her to give birth and be guaranteed
a return to employment. Where supply and demand is an ideal of
economic policy this is an added cost to production and thus
subsidised by male and female consumers paying higher prices
for goods and services. It is a legislated cost to production
provided for child-bearing women. And taxpayers are paying for
their children's education. Are men becoming irrelevant to women
except as sperm donors, taxpayers and consumers? As a society,
why have we given women this right? And, in addition, given them
the right to kill off, by abortion, the future generations of
citizens upon which the community relies. Some countries are
only maintaining numbers by recourse to immigration. Is it not
the duty of women to provide for the future needs of the community
as it is the men's duty to protect it?
- By and large, the old ideas that marriage was for life; and
to provide a secure and desirable environment for children, have
been overturned by, and for, women. Some reciprocal rights for
men have been logically established like shared, or even sole,
custody, of children. A few rich women (Joan Collins, Jane Seymour)
have indignantly paid alimony ordered to support their ex-husbands
in a style to which she had accustomed him. And yet women generally
reserve to themselves the right to choose whether they wish to
be modern or traditional. When she is a traditionalist she often
swears to be faithful and true till death do them part. But later,
as the heat dies down or her expectations (? unrealistic) are
unfulfilled, she may decide she was wrong and "a girl is
allowed space to grow and learn isn't she?" Rather along
the lines of the late Bertrand Russell's analogy of decisions
as a train journey:
"If a man gets onto a train with a view to reach a certain
destination and on the way the train breaks down, you will not
consider the man guilty of an inconsistency if he gets out of
the train and employs other means of reaching his destination."
These days, of course, substitute "person" for "man".
Or, maybe,considering our theme, "woman".
- The present, inculcated, feminist values of Western societies
support her with little or no stigma attached. The legal, economic
and moral sanctions that once inhibited this behaviour are virtually
dead. In past societies, a woman outside a family was often seen
as a witch. Get out that ducking stool and build the stocks!
- And all this has been fairly passively condoned and legislated
by their "oppressors": the men! Those male dominators
who hold the women in subjection. How women have managed to persuade
largely male legislatures to do this is a mystery and there is
a book waiting to be written. Perhaps it is the female hormone
as recently reported in the water supplies of the West which
causes a diminution of testosterone. The sperm counts of men
have been reduced markedly in some regions. It cannot be that
the women have used some new, superior, feminist arguments. The
arguments for female equality have been around for near a century.
But then men knew the consequences of allowing the emotionality
of women free reign and resisted. And it cannot be a sudden surge
of female determination. Who were more determined than the Suffragettes
between the World Wars? They were locked up, forced fed, released
and locked up yet again under the "Cat and Mouse Acts"
(UK). They were derided by the majority of women as spoiled,
rich bitches. But these doughty women would not retreat. Why
have men suddenly become selfless "Sensitive New Age Guys"
(SNAGS)? What process has been at work in Western societies that
has seen male husbandry cringingly decline and petticoat petulance
~~~"WHERE MEN ARE MEN - (And women are double
breasted." - an old Mancunian expression)~
- The men in some parts of Africa do not seem to suffer from
the cringing Western man's affliction of placing women on an
equal emotional and legal level. Maybe their water supplies are
not yet loaded with the oestrogen prevalent in ours.
- In a very recent (July, 1999.) high court case in Zimbabwe,
it was decided that women only had the legal status of teenagers.
- This case involved a woman whose younger half brother (or
it may have been a step-brother) inherited her father's land.
She claimed that she had a right to inherit under Section 22
of the Zimbabwe Constitution. But Section 22, although stating
that women are legally the equal of men, also says that this
equality only applies when it does not conflict with Customary
Law which has precedence.
- The case was to decide if Customary Law allowed women to
be equal. The court decided that it did not and that women could
have no higher legal status than that of a teenager. The implication
being, one supposes, that they remained minors and thus, under
the control of adult men.
- Of course, the nascent Zimbabwean feminist groups voiced
off against this ruling and will be trying to change the Constitution.
Who bets that Western feminists won't be in there backing them?
The latter are already pushing to outlaw female circumcision
AKA "female genital mutilation" in Africa.
- This "circumcision" is a ritual performed at puberty
and varies throughout Africa. It can, I believe, be anything
from a token, ritualised incision or burn to wholesale removal
of the vulva and clitoris.
- An American legislator, "Rep. Carolyn Maloney, D-NY,
is sponsoring a bill that would formalize gender persecution
as a reason for granting amnesty" to asylum seekers in the
USA. There is the recent US publicised case of Adelaide Abankwah
"A woman detained by US immigration officials after fleeing
Ghana two years ago to avoid forced genital mutilation has been
released on parole."
- One wonders whether Carolyn Malony's bill includes all the
males from Israel and elsewhere who might suffer the "Slaughter
of the foreskin."? And if this bill includes male genital
mutilation, will it be legal to circumcise males in the USA itself?
Will the USA become a sanctuary for all males world-wide who
want to escape from circumcision. Or is it only when females
are circumcised that it is "gender persecution"? Why
are men not railing against the slaughter of the foreskin?
- Some Zimbabwean men were interviewed for this equality story
which was broadcast on the BBC World Service (July, 1999). They
said that the court's decision was proper because Section 22
mandating female equality - without the Customary Law provision
- would lead women not wanting to obey their husband and such
a practice was unthinkable. As an aside it caused some feminist
flutter recently when the British Prince's bride promised to
"obey" her husband during the marriage ceremony.
- Perhaps we Westerners ought to have dug our heels in too?
But many younger men are now so thoroughly educated in the dictates
of Liberation Theory (read brain-washed) that they will not readily
be susceptible to re-education along manly lines.
CAN WE POOR SAPS DO?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- We are certainly passing through interesting times and it
is producing reactions from men. There is little attempt to reverse
legislation or values to force women back into the home and their
traditional role; even though, it is predicted that, in the post-industrial
age, there may not be jobs to go around. Some positive job discrimination
has been challenged in the USA and there is a few male movements
such as Iron John. But men, peculiarly, do not seem to have the
will to become militant in their own interest and that of the
community by pushing for a return to pre-liberationist times.
Some even take to the woods to hug each other to find their maleness.
- But men are, increasingly, voting with their feet. They are
looking outside their First World lands to find Miss Right. But,
being feminist trained has had a positive benefit for the men
because, contrasted with the foreign women's own men, the Westerner
is now more sensitive to woman's needs. An odd observer has wondered
how this, in turn, affects the traditional values of some Third
World females married to Western men. Will the Western man's
new-found sensitivity encourage change in the imported bride's
values and steer her towards her career instead of putting family
first? Besides the "understanding" male attitude towards
her, she also has to cope with strident Western females exhorting
her to throw off "the shackles" of male domination.
Some say that there is a happy blending of both sets of values.
A career and a family. But family is put first. How will their
daughters feel brought up amidst present feminist ideals?
- Some disaffected Western men look to the ex communist countries
of Eastern Europe; some to the Oriental, American or African
Third Worlds. The former communists are abundantly available
and, in desperation for escape to affluence and to escape their
own males' chauvinism, try to convince Western men that they
hold traditional marital values. But often they are just escapees
and even become more aggressively independent than their new,
Western sisters when permanently resident in the West. The Third-World
women are often more in tune with the embittered and disillusioned
Western men. Of these attractive, traditional, abundant and available
women one country stands out:
Why Western men like Filipinas
There are, of course, attractions for men other than the escape
from feminist values to the traditional, family orientated females.
- Some Asian women are extremely attractive to Western men
physically. One almost might say the Filipina type. She is undoubtedly
Asian yet has acquired a different look from many, "purer
"Asian types like the regular Chinese and Japanese. Possibly
because of Malaysian influence and a colonised past. There are
many configurations but they have a more European look; yet with
neat little nose, an even, "sun-tanned" skin with dark
hair and eyes. And, perhaps, their littleness adds to their femininity.
When young, they seem naturally slim and this can be attractive
to some men. But, once in Hamburger Land they often end up fighting
the flab too.
- Generally, they are well educated and speak English so are,
superficially, easy to communicate with. They are usually Christian
so have a commonality with most Western male's values. But, though
fairly devout in their worship, they seem pragmatic in the application
- The Filipina still respects age as a repository of wisdom
and stability so they are not averse to older men. Indeed, they
often prefer older men who are more settled and reliable. Many
19 yr. up girls think a 20 yr. age gap desirable. A 40 yr. gap,
or even more, is not unknown. So an older man may fulfill his
fantasy for an "innocent", beautiful girl. This is
normally only available to him in the West if he is rich, powerful
or famous. Even then it is unlikely that he can marry a virgin
in the marriageable age group. This is not unattainable in the
- Filipinas will also be generally willing to consider settling
in an area which the western girl would dislike. In Australia
Filipinas are found in remote locations such as mining communities.
But this has created special problems besides loneliness. They
will also wed farmers who, being isolated, are not in contact
with their own women. And generally the Filipina will be willing
to buckle down and work alongside her man. They want opportunity
in the West. But most do not expect a free ride. Especially as
they want to remit money back home to help their sibs with education
and to help their parents share in her prosperity. This can create
problems depending on the attitude of the husband. But, mostly,
the man is so pleasured by his acquisition that he willingly
agrees to help her family in some way.
- Increasingly, the men have been left with the children by
their ex Western wives and the Filipina often sees no problem
becoming their new mother - and mostly they are excellent and
- Some handicapped men have been able to marry a Filipina and
thus be able to have a family life. Filipinas make admirable
Filipinas are pushovers?
- But, at bottom, it is the apparent, yielding femininity that
attracts the men. This is not what it seems though. These girls,
although Christian, educated, drinking Coke and speaking English,
come from a society that has tribalism underlying the western
gloss. The loyalty to their extended family is so pervasive and
strong that it seems almost genetic. The Western value of independent
thought, action and property is alien to them. Within this extended
family what matters is duty of care to other members. They do
not become educated to break free of family and set up an independent
unit to be left alone. They have a burden of debt to their family
and, if not repaid for ever, according to their means, they are
conscience stricken. Like most other human behaviour there are
exceptions and many ways of fulfilling obligation to family.
But it would be reckless of a Western man to expect a Filipina
girl to turn her back on family obligation and happily rationalise
- Living in what Westerners consider crowded housing conditions,
the customs and rituals of daily behaviour are conducive to good
order and harmony. The family members know their place; and even
the way they address each other reinforces it. An older sibling
has a special name and older people are accorded a special ritual
when meeting. Although the husband is the nominal head and the
rest submit, the wife will have varying degrees of influence
on his decisions according to her personality and ability. Some
would say that she is definitely the power behind the throne.
But she will mostly condone, however reluctantly, his philandering
outside the marriage. Better to be a family than split up over
pride. Who wants to be a witch? How would one exist without family?
It is their welfare system. And the Filipina believes that men
must have regular sexual activity. It is the nature of the beast.
It is very unusual for a Filipina wife not to make herself available
for her husband: "It's just a natural part of marriage.".
She is there, among other things, to be a provider of sex. Headaches
are fairly rare!
- She may not argue back and might appear docile. She may be
hurting beneath. But she comes from a close, crowded family and
noisy confrontation has to be avoided or it would be a hectic
life. Hence the rituals associated with inter-family behaviour.
That way one knows what is acceptable and waves are not created.
You do not argue back to your elders. And a stick probably reinforced
this behaviour when young. (But, interestingly, they seem to
be starting our Western hotlines for abused children - though
only, so far, for excessive beatings.)
- All is not what it seems. These Filipinas appear pliable
and yielding. But they have very definite, though often not-discussed,
ideas on what is the right way to live. By other means, some
subtle, some obvious, they will often manipulate their man onto
that right course. The most obvious tactic is sulking, AKA "The
Silent Treatment", and banging objects around in the kitchen.
"Let's confront and argue this through" is the Western
way and very alien to Filipinas. It is not much good to insist
on having it "up front to sort out the problem." Some
men seem to be able to wean them to this "happy" state
over a period of sympathetic listening and explanation. It is
difficult to convince a Filipina that to sit down and rationally
argue her point of view is desirable. Perhaps it is easier to
correct the situation and accept it. Sulking has not necessarily
very grave implications if the man is generally caring. If one
insists on talking it through statum perhaps one should
stick to the occidental ladies.
To be continued.....
- But, the overriding argument is the change in Western women
and the attenuation of testosterone in men that allows this female
dominated West to occur. Even after allowing for easier travel
and the physical attraction of Filipinas, there has been an unprecedented
rise in Western male applications to import foreign women. The
US Immigration and Naturalisation Service (INS) even commissioned
a survey to report on the phenomenon of the badly named Mail
Order Bride trade; and the Australian Department of Immigration
and Multicultural Affairs (DIMA) has expressed concern at the
disproportionate domestic violence against Filipinas as their
numbers have increased. They have issued a memo on the subject
and produced a video and booklet to be shown to Filipinas contemplating
marriage to Australian men. These are reasonably fair; but the
booklet demonstrates the present, Western, female values in our
society. It reassures the Filipinas that there is no stigma attached
to divorce and, if she is abused, she should seek guidance. The
advice to seek support is sensible. But to undermine the very
value that the relevant Western men desire and most Filipinas
posses - a determination to make a marriage for life - before
she even steps ashore - is ample justification for the author's
assertion that the contract of marriage in the West is a negotiable
instrument just like a commercial contract for the sale of beans.
The author feels that the beans in marriage are the magic beans
of the Beanstalk fable and, when acquired, lead onwards and upwards
to the crock of gold.
A tribute to: Adobe PageMill, v.3.0, A fine Web builder.
Copyright - Clive Halliday. (All rights reserved)
Back to top